


You wished you offed yourself instead, but I wished I effed you instead

by MahaliaPride



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Fire, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Panic Attacks, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Song: Michael in the Bathroom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 04:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11547498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MahaliaPride/pseuds/MahaliaPride
Summary: He isn't overwhelmed with the feeling of him about to die.No. People are actually screaming.There is a fire and I'm going to burn with it.Someone's knocking on the door again, and Michael isn't hesitating now.Jeremy.It's Jeremy.





	You wished you offed yourself instead, but I wished I effed you instead

Michael stood there. Staring at his reflection. _"I wish I stayed at home in bed, watching cable porn!"_ He paused and pointed out every imperfection he could see in himself in less than a second, _"Or wish I offed myself instead! Wish I was never born!"_

In a blind rage, Michael punches the mirror. Shards of the mirror stick into his hand, but right now Michael doesn't care about that. Instead, he slumps into a ball on the ground and feels some fresh tears threaten his pride again. Michael could feel his lungs get stuffy and he felt like he couldn't breathe air normally anymore.

_How long does this attack go for?! Please let it end! This is enough!_

Michaels body wracked with sobs, feeling so small, even though his height rivalled Jake Dillinger's and he was one of the tallest people in school.

His body felt like it was lit with the fire of suffering. His head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton buds to the brim.

Michael could make out vague screams but he's sure that it's just that the panic.

But the panics over.

Michael stops crying and composes himself and try to pull himself back to reality. Michael can see straight and his vision isn't blurred with panic.

_He isn't overwhelmed with the feeling of him about to die._

_No. People are actually screaming._

_There is a fire and I'm going to burn with it._

Someone's knocking on the door again, and Michael isn't hesitating now.

_Jeremy._

_It's Jeremy._

"Jere! What are you doing?!" Michael is talking extremely loud as it feels like the building will collapse and everyone is still screaming.

"Me? Getting you out! I know I've been shitty but every rational part of me is screaming for me to apologise when we are safe! If we stay here we are both going to die!"

Jeremy extends his hand and stares deeply into Michaels' eyes. Michael accepts the hand with his own injured one, "Don't let go of me please Jeremy..." Michaels broken voice cracks after crying. Jeremy nods and leads them down the hall.

They walk past a door before the ceiling in front of them collapses completely. Jeremy swears under his breath, coughing slightly as the air gets more smokey.

Michael grips Jeremy's hand tighter than before and leads them back into the bathroom. "Michael we can't stay here!" Jeremy's voice is borderline panic and his eyes are wide are looking everywhere.

"We won't! I won't allow us to die like this!" Raising his injured fist to the large window above the bath, poised and ready to strike.

Michael only hears a brief "Michael no!" before his fist connects with the window, mind-numbing white pain surrounds him.

He hits the window again and it finally shatters, shards and fragments fall outside and a few into the bath. Michael turns to Jeremy, "Go go go!"

Jeremy clambers out of the window, and from where Michael is standing, he sees Jeremy slice his hand. Not that Jeremy would notice given the life or death situation.

At least they didn't forget that the bathroom was on the second floor. They both landed on the ground with loud thuds, and pain shooting up their legs.

Michael steps back, staring at the painting of bright orange and passionate red rise high into the sky.

Michael lets a laugh slip past his lips as he lays on the grass. Before he knows it _Jeremy is laying next to him. Laughing with him._

_And it feels good._

Before Michael kick his brain back into gear because _Jeremy wouldn't like and think you're a creep_ he places his lips against Jeremy's soft and pink ones.

Jeremy stops laughing and freezes against Michaels' lips. Michael takes this as a clear sign of no consent. He pulls back so fast he thinks he'll give himself a headache.

He dares himself to look at Jeremy.

Jeremy's eyes are wide. Shining and full of this indescribable newfound emotion. Wonder. Love? Hatred? _Soon he'll snap back to the present and scream at me. He hates me._

_What have you done? You've ruined everything, you idiot!_

Then there is a sound that pierces through everything.

"Wow...Michael..." Jeremy is closer than Michael found to be classified as friends.

Clearing his throat, "Er... I'm sorry Jeremy! I didn't mean to-"

"Can we do that again..?" Jeremy's breath is hot against Michaels own lips and honestly, Michael can't feel his face.

"Um yes..! Er no I mean if you'd like.."

They kiss again. It's warm (or maybe that's just the fire raging behind them) and slow. It exceeds every fantasy Michael ever had about this moment.

They both move slowly, their faces melding together perfectly and clicking into place as if it were a puzzle piece.

Time was lost, so when they pulled away, it was unclear how much time had passed.

"Michael..." Jeremy starts, his expression serious. "Shhh..." Michael places a finger to Jeremy's lips, "I'm not going to lie, that was some hurtful shit you've done to me, but if you'd like to still be _this_ ," Michael pointed to both of them, bringing Jeremy's bloodied hand to his face and smudging a little bit of blood on his cheek in the process, "Then I gladly agree."

Jeremy rubbed Michaels cheek longingly, "You'd still have me? Even after what you said to yourself in the bathroom? You want me?"

Michael reddened slightly, "Ah jeez, you were listening....but yes, I'd have you. The real you. I want the anxiety-filled, game-loving twiggy twunk, not a supercomputer-controlled teen that hurts people, _people he loves okay? Good people. I won't date the Jeremy that will push others to get on top. So are you willing to get rid of the quantum computer in the grey and oblong pill?"_

Jeremy nods, whispering a quiet "Thank you" before Michaels world went dark and he heard sirens in the distance.

**Author's Note:**

> Lately I've been working on a lot of fics so updating will be slows


End file.
